Dating over 35 has its challenges. Search the #datingover35 hashtag on Instagam and you can see Za from FBF Fitness sharing stories and struggles of dating. If you follow me on any of my social media channels or are a regular visitor to the blog, then you’ve probably read my post on 15 Reasons Why I Don’t Want to be 40 and Single. I was super happy that it was even published on Huffington Post and most recently Thought Catalog. So if you haven’t read it, go read it NOW. Turning 36 last month, made me to a review of my life and I realized I don’t want to be single by the time I reach the age of 40.
Earlier this week I was invited on the Under the Influence podcast and dove into the topic of dating over 35 and being 40 and single. So you can listen to below or here later. The podcast discussion consisted of a really good conversation between the host Chris and a friend of mine, Tony. We discussed being 40 and single and why the guys feel that if a woman is still single by the time she has turned forty, it’s probably her fault (their words, not mine).
Tony brought out some HARSH, but good points about dating over 35 and I wanted to do a recap here without spoiling everything. Here’s the main points:
- Men have to be ready to settle down.
- There is nothing a woman can do to get a man to commit (unless you are a fan of ultimatums).
- The odds of a woman getting married after 40 are slim. According to Tony, “It’s a wrap!”
- Accountability in any relationship is huge.
- Women need to operate on a solo mission. Leave your friends out of your relationship.
- Women don’t want to accept that fact that they may never get married.
- Real men are accepting of hair bonnets.
I agreed with most of the above bullets, except I do believe that women over the age of forty can definitely find love. Stats would agree. The guys also stated that most women over forty don’t want to accept the fact that “It’s a wrap for them”. I disagree. I think some women have come to terms with being single and live a very satisfying life. There are other women who still hold out hope of finding love. A lot of this isn’t voiced openly, but I see no need for it to be either. Women may talk to their close friends about their desires of the heart or just keep it to themselves. If getting married or finding companionship is something that they wanted at one time in their life and still haven’t had that opportunity, it’s disheartening. And definitely not an easy topic to discuss with friends or even family.
The guys also touched on the super educated women who immerse themselves into their careers and schooling and act like they don’t need a man. Everyone probably has a friend or knows of someone who is all about their career, or on their 2nd Masters and never been married. Tony and Chris mentioned how these women walk around acting like they don’t need a man, but then get upset when their friend gets engaged. #jealousMuch You can check out that part around the 35:00 mark and decide if these women are lonely or bitter or just trying to better themselves? And see how Steve Jobs relates to this topic.
When asked about the type of man I want, I always say I want a man that’s like my father and the guys jumped on me about that. Chris argued that my dad was not the same man today that he was when he got married. I’m sure my dad himself would admit that. But there are certain qualities that my dad has like being a hard-worker and a provider, loving husband and father, calm under pressure, but also having that no-nonsense attitude. I think those are reasonable things to seek in a man today. I definitely wouldn’t want to marry someone who is lazy or has a bad temper, always ready to pop off. But again, listen to the podcast, so you can hear the guys’ argument on why they hate when a woman says she wants to marry a man like her father.
The biggest moot point was when Tony mentioned that women over 35 need to see the “urgency” of dating at their age. I hate using the word “urgency” here because I think it could lead to thirst and desperation. Or women might settle for a man they shouldn’t really be with just to avoid being alone. The guys did strongly suggest that women should take more advantage of the opportunities presented to them. Don’t always play the waiting game, but don’t be thirsty. Because once you get over 40…
So check out the podcast and let me know what you thought of our discussion.